Posts Tagged ‘writing’

I didn’t know what to say, how to react. How do you react to something like this?
I could only feel. My heart was pounding, my breathing was starting to become erratic. This had to stop. I laid a hand on the center of his chest. I could feel his diaphragm expanding as he breathed me in. That was it, and I knew I was lost.

I took a step forward and he smiled. That smile that Nickelback wrote about in Rockstar – ‘They’ll get you anything With that evil smile ’.

And then he slipped away, ephemeral, a dream, an imagination.

But he was there, I could see him still. I moved forward again, the smile became wicked, I was in his arms but he had sucked his lips in. There would be no kisses for me. That was okay. My lips were painted red. We would have ended up looking like clowns. I held him tight, and he held me. I felt so safe and oh so warm inside.

With another smile he let me go, and I walked away.

Smiling at my dream, buoyed by the idea of a man who may not exist, but was terribly real in that one moment.

 

Mr Right

Posted: August 23, 2016 by Arushi in Original Fiction, Thoughts
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This is not written by me, but by a friend, for, and to an extent of, me. Her blog is here, but this post is not.

It is better for the soul to remember the good, to acknowledge it, to believe in it and to relive it. To simply remember the good again and again and leave no place for the negative…

People are probably gonna ask me for the rest of my life “what was it about him?”.

Maybe one day I’ll come up with a better, more interesting answer, but the truth is I don’t know.

My parents wanted me to meet this guy and, out of respect for them – and because it never really crossed my mind that it would amount to anything – I agreed. After all, the worst that could happen was a short, awkward phone conversation.

They gave me his number and told me he was expecting me to call. I rolled my eyes as I dialed, wondering for how long they were going to keep trying.

He picked up after the third ring and for once, I couldn’t think of anything clever to say.

He asked me to give him five minutes of my time, so he could tell me a bit about himself, the kind of life we wanted and the sort of person he could see himself sharing his life with.

It took way more than five minutes, but I didn’t mind it at all. I could tell he was being honest and I found it incredibly disarming. And kinda sexy.

I couldn’t help but to be truthful as well, and ended up telling this stranger things very little people, if anyone at all, knew about me.

It took my phone beeping, to let me know the battery was dying, for us both to realize that five hours had passed since our first hello. I didn’t want to hang up.

The conversation had moved past the both of us and we had discussed our families, literature, politics, movies…

It was so very refreshing and I felt myself blush, thinking I could had forgotten everything and just kept on talking forever. But alas, we both needed to work in the morning and he promised we would talk again soon.

I decided I was going to marry him in the time it took me to say “goodnight”.

I took a deep breath and went to bed, wishing “soon” would come sooner.

Breathe.

Posted: September 22, 2015 by Arushi in Thoughts
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Do not write what you are feeling right now. Do not do it. Write about something else, anything else. Write with so much passion, that you can change how you feel. So that you forget what you were feeling, what you needed to vent, and can only remember what you are writing about.

Let each word give you catharsis. Let it give you freedom. No. Demand freedom. It is your right and you are only bound by the chains that you have allowed. Break them. Shatter them Grind them to dust.

Know that it hurts. Hurts you. Hurts others. Know that it is not easy. Do it anyway. Break something. Build something. Allow the world to collapse around you. No. Burn it down. If it does not make you happy. Make a new world on the ashes. You will miss what you have lost. But you have to move on. It might hurt. It might be lonely. But continuing is not an option. Never an option.

Do not be the phoenix who rises from the ashes, the same as before, if fresh. Be the arsonist. Burn it all and leave unscathed, yet filled with the memory. Learn from the experience, but do not become the experience.

Get hurt. Forgive. Not for them. For you.

Live. No matter what they say. They live their own lives. No one has the right to mess with yours.

Be. Yourself.

Want Me

Posted: August 31, 2014 by Arushi in Original Fiction
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Recently I read some very good short fiction, some of it from a friend who posts her stuff here. So I was feeling a bit inspired (in a sense). Here is the result: 

I called him because that is what I thought I should do. He answered because that is what he thought he should do. Funny word, ‘should’.

It was only later that I realized I was doing it because I wanted to. He because he had to. And that made too much of a difference. That little place under my sternum started to hurt, to ache. Then the pain started to spread.

It ached and ached and the worst of it was, he saw it. He knew he caused it. But he just did not understand.

He didn’t understand that it wasn’t about what could be or what could not. It was about what he wanted. About how much he wanted me. If I mattered to him in the same way in which he had consumed me.  

I went on a drive to think. To clear my head.  

Later they said I nearly died. That there was a semi and the car had wrecked. The piece of glass almost punched through my heart. I told them of course it couldn’t. He’d carved my heart out a long time ago, piece by piece. There was nothing left to cut. 

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There are so many quirks to every personality. I find it infinitely easier to share my stories over the internet compared to even my closest friends. Of course, I have time and again harassed my friends into listening to my stories and they have done it, heck telling them has actually given me insights on how to move forward plenty of times, but still.

Revealing something you have created, no matter what the form, is scary. It is hard to put something you cherished, something into which you poured your heart and soul, out there and hope for the best. I laud those people who have the guts to do this. 

Since 2007 I have been putting up my stories on FanFiction.net (FFN) and yet it was only in 2010 that I finally made an account on FictionPress.com (FP) under my real name. A lot of the stories are the same, because while I tended to borrow character names (and sometimes personalities) I prefer my stories to be original. Still, I can never let go of FFN, not completely, not the least of which is because of the large number of readers I have gained there over the years.

Weirdly, I have never had a problem with criticism. To me, if someone cared enough about my work to actually say something, that is a compliment in and of itself.

The only thing I really wonder about it, what facet of my personality is shining through my words and when. And how much of myself do I actually want to reveal. The same thing applied when I started this blog. Even now, I am writing a story and posting it regularly on FFN, FP and Wattpad but it has yet to be spoken about here even once.

When I write, I have space only for the actual writing but later, it is harder to push all this away. Which is why I am really glad for the fact that I can post each chapter as soon as I write it – so I do not over think it.

I am going to be brave. Because I promised a friend. Because I wanted to make a resolution, and there can be nothing better.

Here is the link to Arranged and the blurb:

Kaira and Lucian come from two families who have had an uneasy truce for as long as anyone could remember. Now for some reason, the parents want them to get together to present a ‘united front’ to a common enemy. Kaira calls bullshit but Lucian is interested. It seems like as good a chance as any to finally start dating someone he has wanted for a long while and been secretly friends with for over a decade. First though he has to convince Kaira, who has a penchant of shooting first and asking questions never. Complicating matters is the tiny problem of a gang war and of course, Kaira’s and Lucian’s siblings who thrive on mayhem.

This is a story I am in the process of writing and upload chapter by chapter. Do let me know what you think 🙂 and yes, I really do want to know.

Damsels in Distress! Not!

Posted: January 21, 2014 by Arushi in Uncategorized
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The other day, I was watching Stuart Little with my nieces. It was the climax and Stuart was in his car, running from cats. One of them asked, “who is going to save him?” My cousin, their mom, answered, “he is going to save himself.” 

It made me think about how much we expect someone else to save the day. If someone is in distress and that someone is a cute white mouse, of course someone else will save him. On a side note, white mice are not half as cute in real life – or maybe that is just me. Its something to do with the tails, just cannot stand them. 

But back to someone else saving the day. For the most part, when I write a story and I do write a lot – even though only a very small fraction of it ever reaches anyone –  my female lead tends to be a damsel in distress of some kind. She can be quite capable of taking care of herself, but be emotionally vulnerable, or at times, while emotionally stable and quite smart, she can be physically vulnerable. But there is always a growth period and growth can never be achieved in isolation.  

The one time, the female lead was eventually physically strong and emotionally stable, it was after suffering from PTSD for the entire story. I think she is the strongest character I ever wrote, and not just because she could handle a gun like a pro, but because of how much she grew and how much she overcame. There are a few exceptions where the character has been strong from the start, like Micara, whose shorts I published here. Yet by the end of each book, my characters tend to grow and learn to overcome their issues, sometimes with help, and sometimes on their own.

Also, while I tend to not  write much urban fantasy and prefer what can technically be called romance, I always make it as violent as any urban fantasy. Sometimes I make myself wonder exactly what I was thinking while writing something, when I read it later. I mean really! But then again, I do not think it is that easy to understand ourselves completely or psychology would not be so darned complicated. 

For the most part though, I do like writing the girl in trouble kind of story. My guys are not perfect, and not very real either to be honest, but I like putting two characters together who might be a little broken and see them fix each other. Its just that the distress part calls out strongly from the female lead which makes me think that traditional gender roles are just too deeply ingrained in me. That reminds me of this: 

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I think we all enjoy the part where one character saves the other in one way or another. We become even more invested in the story when they both offer redemption to each other in some way. I think it is because it signifies hope that no matter how badly screwed up we are, there may be someone who can fix us. Or maybe someone who is just as broken as we are and we can be broken together. I am not sure. Its not something that I can sit and analyze since I do not have more than a basic knowledge of psych. It is also intriguing to see characters grow and overcome their vulnerabilities, whatever they may be. What I do know is that sometimes the most fun story is the one which has the damsel kicking distress out of the window and saving herself. 

Ever since I completed NaNoWriMo, I have been working on two stories. One is the manuscript I worked on all through November. It is completely raw, the plot is unfinished and I keep changing the facts to make the whole thing smoother. In essence it is utter chaos in a word file.

The other is a story that I am publishing online chapter by chapter on three different sites. This saves me from being a perfectionist who worries about every minuscule detail – because I cannot go back and change anything. I have to move forward and use what I have, not spend time on what I should have written. It is one way to get a story down that simply does not allow for second guessing. It is in this story that I realized my words not only lacked inspiration – they were a snooze fest. Such an awful thing to figure out about your own work.

I could not relate to my characters, so the poor souls could not connect with their readers. So simple. But such a huge ass problem. It is not so easy for me to figure out how to fix this and when I came up with something that might work, I wanted to share it. I am going to change their situation by doing a flashback. They already have a history, there has already been one flashback. It was time there was another because simply put, their present tense is just not working for me.

Why am I subjecting you to this here? Well because I swore to write more often, and the often part means all my ramblings go up on my blog. Enjoy J And may you never want to throttle your characters until they start making sense to you.

On a side note, I recently read Dying is my Business by Nicholas Kauffman. It is great book and definitely worth a read. I figure for having to deal with my rambling, you do deserve at least something worthwhile 😉 Also here is the review of this book by a friend. She was the one who recommended the book to me, and I am glad she did.