Posts Tagged ‘books’

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Gina Royal is the definition of average—a shy Midwestern housewife with a happy marriage and two adorable children. But when a car accident reveals her husband’s secret life as a serial killer, she must remake herself as Gwen Proctor—the ultimate warrior mom.

With her ex now in prison, Gwen has finally found refuge in a new home on remote Stillhouse Lake. Though still the target of stalkers and Internet trolls who think she had something to do with her husband’s crimes, Gwen dares to think her kids can finally grow up in peace.

But just when she’s starting to feel at ease in her new identity, a body turns up in the lake—and threatening letters start arriving from an all-too-familiar address. Gwen Proctor must keep friends close and enemies at bay to avoid being exposed—or watch her kids fall victim to a killer who takes pleasure in tormenting her. One thing is certain: she’s learned how to fight evil. And she’ll never stop.

I have read almost all books by Rachel Caine – and loved every single one. Most of her work though falls under the banner of urban fantasy.

The Stillhouse Lake series though, is different – a mystery that is equal parts horror and thriller, the books keeps you on the edge of your seat. 

The premise is rather straightforward: This is the story of the wife and kids of a serial killer – and what happens to them after he is discovered. 

This is not an easy story and these are not easy characters to create. Rachel Caine manages to do so flawlessly. Her characters are real, they have background stories, they have personalities, they have flaws and above all, they are human.  

Gina Royal had the ‘normal’ life – a stay-at-home mom of two kids with a ‘good’ husband. After all, if your husband is perfect all the time and the only thing you have to respect is his need for space – then it is a pretty good deal. Of course, the need for space involved giving up on the garage – but that was a small price to pay in Gina’s opinion.

But Melvin Royal was no normal, good husband and his ‘space’ was the place where he butchered young women. He was/is a serial killer and Gina and the kids were his unwitting camouflage. That all comes crashing down right at the beginning of Stillhouse Lake and the actual story starts a few years later.

The story is mostly told from Gina’s perspective and it is heartbreaking and brave in equal measure. She has picked up the pieces of her life, even though most of the world thinks she must have helped her serial killer husband even though the courts have exonerated her. 

She is no longer Gina Royal. She is Gwen Proctor, a fiercely protective mother who  will do anything to keep her children safe from the shadow of their father and his crimes.

It is from here that we move on, along with Gwen, as she and the kids, Lanny (15) and Connor (11), finally build a home in Stillhouse Lake. For the first time in years – they start putting down roots, trusting their surroundings and thinking that the past might finally be behind them.

Of course, that is when the murders start. The MO is the same as that of Melvin Royal – and the bodies are being dumped in Stillhouse Lake – practically Gwen’s backyard. And Gwen’s world starts crashing down.

I can actually wax poetic about how well this book is written, about how real it is – the characters, the setting and the situations – and I would still not do a good enough job.

The characters are real. The situations make complete sense. There is mystery, a hell of a plot and a sense of horror and foreboding throughout the book – because you know that this could have happened to anyone, that this could be anyone. And that is the biggest draw of all, to be able to see yourself in Gina and to hope like hell that we too can reforge ourselves into Gwen.

For Killman Creek, the second book in the series, I got the ARC from NetGalley.

BEWARE: SPOILERS AHEAD.

Killman Creek starts 12 days from where Stillhouse Lake left off.

Melvin Royal is on the loose and Gwen and the kids are on the run, again. There is just one major difference. They are no longer alone. Now they have friends – trustworthy, good people who proved themselves worthy of Gwen’s trust in Stillhouse Lake.

There is a lot on the line. Gwen needs to protect the kids – but she can no longer hide. After all, Absalom has betrayed her and she knows it is only a matter of time before Melvin catches up to her. No matter how far she runs, she just cannot seem to be rid of Melvin and so finally she makes a decision.

Gina ran. Gina was prey.

Gwen will stand and fight and hunt.

This book is different from the first – Gwen and Sam are working together. There are people who Gwen can trust and who trust her in return. But the suspense, the plot, is just as well executed as it was in the previous book – there are layers upon layers to the mystery.

Is it just about the cult following of one serial killer, or is it something much, much bigger than that? With the FBI involved, the hunt for Melvin is on – only problem is – Melvin is also hunting them and he too has friends in high places.

This is an excellent book, a perfectly done sequel to Stillhouse Lake. The book is told from several POVs – all as unique as the characters that Caine has built. We understand motivations, thought processes and above all we can see what is happening as if it is literally happening in front of us. The read is as real and visceral as it can be.

There is a thread of horror woven through the thrill – the depths of human depravity bared for all to see. But there are the good guys – the ones who fight against ridiculous odds – and the struggle of one woman to reinvent herself, overcome her past and raise her children well. There is a scene (of both the kids separately) near the end – which felt poignant even though it is in the middle of escalating terror and horror – where you see just how far Gwen, and the kids, have all come. She has succeeded on many accounts but that felt like her biggest victory to me: She had managed to take those kids and make them independent, intelligent and brave individuals.
You cannot help but root for her!

I would highly recommend both books!

Killman Creek comes out in a month – so I would suggest reading Stillhouse Lake now and letting it simmer under your skin until then, or do a binge read of both together.

 
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In a land governed by the cruel Frostblood ruling class, seventeen-year-old Ruby is a Fireblood who has spent most of her life hiding her ability to manipulate heat and light – until the day the soldiers come to raid her village and kill her mother. Ruby vows revenge on the tyrannous Frost King responsible for the massacre of her people.

But Ruby’s powers are unpredictable…and so are the feelings she has for Arcus, the scarred, mysterious Frostblood warrior who shares her goal to kill the Frost King, albeit for his own reasons. When Ruby is captured by the Frost King’s men, she’s taken right into the heart of the enemy. Now she only has one chance to destroy the maniacal ruler who took everything from her – and in doing so, she must unleash the powers she’s spent her whole life withholding.

Frostblood is set in world where flame and ice are mortal enemies – but together create a power that could change everything.

I actually liked Frostblood by Elly Blake quite a bit.

It is a fast read. The writing style is clean and the story flows very smoothly. There are many of the tropes generally associated with fantasy YA – magically powerful but untrained female protagonist, brooding male lead, end of the world prophecy and of course, an evil king. But it retains a freshness, mainly due to the author’s writing style and because the book is not gritty but rather has a fairytale-esque quality to it – which makes it charming rather than typical.

I had guessed the main twist quite early on in the book, but still the start of the second part brought some surprises. The book also has a feel good factor – most people, when given a choice – choose to be good. I think that makes the book feel lighter than it actually is. There is decent character development of the protagonist, and some nice touches in regards to the other characters as well. I would have preferred them to be more fleshed out, but they are more than caricatures – and the second book might have quite a few things in store. Plus, the book has a somewhat definitive, happy ending. That was so good to have.

It will be a definite favorite with people who have just gotten into this genre (or want to check it out) and also good for people who are a bit tired of all the brutality/murder/grit (you get the idea).

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The Anita Blake Vampire Hunter series has been one of my favorite paranormal series’. When I started reading, there were probably 16 books out and I binge read them all. Ever since then, I expectantly waited for each new book. I never had an issue with the twists LKH brought in, the number of men in Anita’s life, the elaborate and really long sex scenes or basically anything that happened – coz most things took the plot or the characters forward.

I know I read the last book, but I do not remember it now. I read Narcissus in Chains almost a decade ago and can narrate the entire story. The last book was forgettable. But I think there was a plot and there was character growth. Because I did not feel the disappointment that I feel now.

I usually do not write bad reviews. I give bad ratings on GoodReads, but if I already feel my time was not well utilized on the book – I am not interested in spending more time cribbing about it. This time, however, I feel I need to do it, hoping that LKH might see this, or at least her editors do.

There are spoilers ahead.

Crimson Death starts off with Damien. He is having trouble and Anita goes to talk to him. Made sense. Cardinale had an issue with everything because she is a paranoid and super jealous girlfriend. Made sense. The utter frustration felt in the situation made sense. This was LKH’s job. She did just fine. But it was the job of her editors to shorten it – make the whole thing crisp. To take the frustration and instead of letting it spill over so many pages, sharpen it to knife’s edge – make it cut, and then move on. I ended up feeling just as frustrated as Damien.

I like the details that LKH puts in. I like how she gives us names of the guards. I like how Anita thinks that she should know the names of the people who might give up their life for her. I don’t get why we still see the dumb guards who are too sexist for their own good. And even if they are, they lack the professionalism to keep it under wraps especially when in front of their boss. And if they are so unprofessional – they should not be doing security at a place like Danse Macabre. What if they are unprofessional to a customer? What then? After 25 books Anita has to deal with people like Ricky. Why? Cut them out. We have seen a thousand versions of the same scene – we do not need another one. If it needs to be mentioned – then he leered and Echo met Anita’s gaze and Anita understood Echo would take care of it. See? Done.

Anita is supposed to be having a serious date. She goes, has her date, comes back and the plan is to sleep with Damien. Just sleep. The situation is awkward. But it does not need to become a therapy session. I am glad everyone is going to therapy. God knows they need it. But these things cannot take so long. This is not real life where everything does take forever and still never gets truly sorted. This is a book and these people only have a limited number of pages to get their story across.

This is just the very beginning of the book.

Every single person has been described in painstaking detail in the book. Their looks, their backstory, their fears, desires, preferences and their relationship with Anita. All of that is needed – but to a much shorter extent. Yes, I do want to know where Dev and Anita stand in their relationship at the moment. But, I do not want to know what he looks like anymore. I know already. If I did not even know what the main characters looked like, I would not pick up the 25th book in the series. It is LKH’s job to put in this information – to make sure she links everything together. It is the job of her editors to tell her that this is verbatim what she has in the previous books and to cut it out. To tell her that we all know Nicky is blonde, tall built and with one eye missing. Reading about his mannerisms was interesting initially, now we know exactly what they are and can picture them better when not weighed down by a 1000 words on the issue.

Nicky, Jean-Claude, Asher, Nathaniel – all are described way too much. The stillness of the vamps – we have been doing that since book 1. Don’t explain. Asher’s scars – no I do not again need to know about the Inquisition. I know. Tell me about him and Kane. Not about the scars. I know Jean Claude has black hair. I know Anita has curls. I know their hair is really long. I did not know Micah needed prescription glasses – that was interesting. But I did not need to be told again that a ‘really bad man’ had made him stay in animal form too long. I know about Chimera. I read Narcissus in Chains. And even if I had not, it has been mentioned more than enough times since then. These people do not need to be introduced, not in any way.

I know otherwise I have no business picking up the 25th Anita Blake book. So why did not her editors know all this and cut it? If they could not cut it, why did they not tell LKH at least?

Then there are the conversations. Almost everyone is going for therapy. I am actually really curious about this therapist (or if it is more than one?) because you have to be AMAZING to deal with people with such issues. Plus there is the problem of how strong most of them are. What if they lost control and hurt the therapist? How does the therapist know he/she is safe? How do you do your job when faced by powerful vamps who might roll you? Or shifters who might break you?

So, that kind of stuff would be cool. The challenges faced by a therapist of the supernatural? Imagine being a therapist for the Harlequin. How do you handle that? And how does the therapist keep all the secrets? Has anyone ever tried to break in and learn abt the personal lives of these famous people?

Instead of anything interesting coming in – we have every conversation being dragged to its death, and then its body being dragged some more. I know these people are all going for therapy and they have worked very hard to be this open and this accepting of themselves and others. But, there are times for such conversations and not all conversations can be like this.

The time in the plane – while traveling to Ireland – best place for these conversations because there is nothing else to do.

While in the van with Nolan present – No. And Nolan sharing with these guys so much – NO. We have just met this guy. He’s a badass – think Edward at the start. He should act like Edward then. Not to mention, Edward should act like Edward. Him being treated like a ‘normal man’ in this book is so disconcerting. He is Edward.

And then there are so many things that never get explained, sorted or solved. What did Edward do in all his time in Ireland? Did he catch He caught no one? He found no vamps? This is Edward. And I never even saw why he needed Anita to come by. It’s a vamp plague – sure. But nothing beyond that. Why would he need her? I never learned how the Irish cops had pissed him off that the Ted mask kept slipping. The Irish are so nice it is annoying – so then how did he get so angry at them? Them calling for Anita I can understand. Him being desperate to include her? No way.

Every place has fools but why is every fool Anita meets a misogynist? Her reputation precedes her. Then do they simply ignore the kill count and focus on her wedding? How do the Irish even know the rumors? The Americans do, but then they are all part of the same law enforcement. Are the rumors about her sex life on the internet? I thought that would not happen considering she is marrying only Jean-Claude and that is all that the press would know.

Then come the later bits. The fey could have been so much more – but they become a footnote. And then we have Nathaniel – finally growing into a man – who has to sightsee and take bodyguards away from Anita. He’s smarter than that. Yet, it was good to see a facet of him that suited his age.

Of course, Jean Claude was too weak to be left alone with Asher. This is Jean Claude. He has fought and clawed his way to where he is. He is not weak. Anything but weak. Why the sudden twist in personality?

Then we have the ending. It is chapter 73 by the time the real plot starts. Sure, the stuff before was the precursor – but then they do not actually try to solve anything. Looking at crime scene photos and then saying what you see is fine. But nothing else happens. No actual crime solving. Are the entirety of Irish police so incompetent or so against violence that they cannot do their jobs? They may not kill vamps – but they have not used any info Edward gave them to do anything else?

Anita is kidnapped. Again. Cannot contact anyone Metaphysically, again. Rolls someone who gets her out. Again. What is the new bit?

The vamp whose very name other vamps do not say, dies without a whimper. Where was the fight for survival? Sure Anita is weak – but hunger has left her just as weak throughout half the book. Where was the crime solving, the hunting bad guys part? Where did we get any actual info on Nolan’s team except their names? SWAT has always been given more respect. These guys were amateurs – especially Brennan – who was not even pulled off duty and sent back to guard Anita and her lot. Socrates stayed at the compound – so she wasted one of her best guards for no reason but to train people? Training could have happened later – how was guarding his queen taking a backseat?

And then there is an ending. One large vamp shows up, Damien says he has always been more of a beast, and voila one major issue solved. It was never shifters but this vamp who was killing off people that brutally. Okay. But if he was also making new vamps, then how was it? Coz we are told Moroven had trouble with it too. So how did a minion do it so well? Why was magic dying in Dublin? That is never explained and without that, the vamps rising would have been impossible. So, a major plot point is completely ignored, not just left unresolved.

The ‘fixing’ of the marrying a tiger situation is solved so easily. I was not even sure the tiger in question was dead until much later. What happened to explaining what was going on? The position of everyone on the bed, their hands, their clothes, their preferences and even their positions are always described in excruciating detail (every time, mind you) – and yet something that important is just treated as an after thought.

The end is too blah, for lack of a better word. It’s liek someone describing a movie they watched with amazing graphics, that are just not translating into words. Except I know LKH can do it. She has done it before, many many times.

I think the end of it is, I am severely disappointed. Will I read the next book in the series? Probably. Will I expect better? Yes.

I know LKH is an amazing storyteller. I have read a lot of books which are proof of this. But the bare bones of a plot filled out into a flat summation type description along with wordy conversations and other descriptions do not a novel make.

Getting There

Posted: September 27, 2016 by Arushi in Thoughts
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I have talked about me multiple times on this blog. There is also a separate category for this – Thoughts. But I wonder if I have ever been bluntly honest. Usually I hide behind third person pronouns and rambling tags. It is so much harder to own up to my own mind than it is to pen my thoughts down.

I am halfway through Getting There by Manjula Padmanabhan. I think I got my courage and my inspiration to be so brutally honest from there.

I am not happy. I would say I am clinically depressed except I am not certain of the definition of clinically in this context. It just sounds more impersonal and more impressive than plain old depressed. I am having issues with my body image, with my sense of self. I am in a relationship – in a marriage – that has been rocky from before its inception. It is not that either of us is a bad person – but we are too different. In fact, somedays I feel we are as wrong for each other as it is possible to be. Somedays I love him more than life itself.

Our expectations, our ideologies, our attitudes towards gender roles – all of that is different. There is some deep level, where we have barely connected – except we did connect enough to still be together. I read a letter on a ‘psy-help’ website from a wife asking her husband – when will she be his first? As in, when, if ever, he will prioritize her – the way she has been prioritizing him from the moment they were engaged. She’s not sure he ever will. I am not sure he ever will, either. But then, I am not one of those who can keep on giving – asking for nothing in return. I am not that person. I do not think I could ever be.

To me, each relationship is a two-way street. So I gave up. That inner core of me which was happy – which loved him and just wanted his love, nothing else – has vanished somewhere.

Maybe I should try harder – maybe it is the ‘lot of women’ and someday my actions will make him understand what my words could never explain – but that is not who I am. So many people have tried to make me understand this. I do not. If you cannot put me first, I see no reason why I should do it – unless I still choose to. If you cannot love me how I love you, then you cannot complain when I change. What you cannot do for me or mine – you have no right to expect me to do for you or yours. If I do it – count your blessings – if I do not, then you better be fine with it.

I used to want the ‘whole package’ – husband, two kids – heck, I even wanted a white picket fence. Trying for that ‘perfect’ vision got me to understand that no matter how ‘perfect’ I try to be – I will never be good enough because I am just not wired that way and neither will anyone be able to meet my expectations from that pedestal. And being the person I am – I quit. It might have led to more rockiness in my relationships – but it did bring me closer to me. I studied closely what I wanted and what I had thought I wanted. That is one of the best things – for me – to come out of this whole thing. I no longer want kids. I do not even want a white picket fence – a house is so much harder to maintain – give me a spacious flat any day with a minimalistic decor. I now know I am happiest when I work – and I value my work over most other things in my life.

I have accepted that I am struggling with depression (and migraines – both existing in a symbiotic relationship) and no matter how much I want to blame others for it  – I too should have known not give anyone that kind of power over me. I know I will never make the same mistake again. There is no conclusion to this – because I am still here – still human in all my failings – with someone just as human who perhaps loves me too – otherwise why would he still be around?

In its unedited avatar – this post was too raw – one of the most honest things I have ever even thought of putting ‘out there’. Now it’s edited and still hitting that post button will be extremely hard for me. I am saying this here because where else would I say it?

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‘Death is certain for all who are born…or is it?’

Professor Bharadvaj is more than just another whisky-loving, gun-toting historian-for-hire. Behind the assumed identity of the cynical academic is a man who has walked the earth for scores of years. He is Asvatthama – the cursed immortal, the man who cannot die.
When Professor Bharadvaj is approached by the enigmatic Maya Jervois to search for a historical artefact unlike any other, he is reluctant to pursue it. The object in question, the Vajra, is rumoured to possess incredible alchemical powers, but the Professor does not believe it exists. After all, he has spent many lifetimes – and identities – searching for it, in a bid to unearth the secret to his unending life.

Yet, as the evidence of its existence becomes increasingly compelling, the Professor is plunged into an adrenaline-fuelled adventure that takes him from the labyrinthine passages beneath the Somnath temple to the legendary home of the siddhas in the Nilgiris, and finally into the deserts of Pakistan to solve a confounding puzzle left behind by the ancients.

But who is behind the dangerous mercenaries trying to thwart his discoveries at every step? And is the Professor – a legendary warrior in a long-ago life – cursed to walk the path of death and bloodshed forever?

I am not really a reader of Indian urban fantasy. Or even Indian fantasy, in general. Call me a snob, I don’t mind. It is definitely true when it comes to picking what books to read. This book has converted me if the rest in the genre are just as good.

Immortal by Krishna Udaysankar is the story of Asvatthama. Yes, that Asvatthama – the one who was a part of the Mahabharata. The son of Dronacharya. Duryodhana’s friend. Disgraced at the end of the Great War and cursed with eternal life.

Of course, I am sure I will learn a lot more about him when I get to The Aryavarta Chronicles – Govinda, KauravaKurukshetra – by the same author.

That being said, let’s talk about this book. Asvatthama is alive and well and has now been ‘roped’ into a search for the Vajra. Something we think is a mythical weapon. Or is it? It is definitely mythical, even to Asvatthama – who is extremely skeptical. After all, if he could not find it in centuries – it must not exist, right?

We move with this man, this undying man, as he follows the trail from the temples in Dwaraka to the deserts of Balochistan. What he is doing is truly interesting, but who he is now, that is even more interesting. Here is the man who was there with Genghis Khan, with Subhas Chandra Bose – who fought in battles all over the world – who, in his own words, is now that rare breed – ‘a soldier by profession’. It is him as a person who truly intrigued me – his fear of his body rotting – of losing his mind due to this horror – but not being able to die, his terror at the thought of forever drowning – and the fact that he overcomes all this to do what needs to be done. I liked the other characters too. There are no caricatures – but real people. All with their own machinations, desires and failings.

An extremely interesting read, the book is filled with well-researched references, characters that feel real in spite of their ‘magical’ realities, and a story that keeps you hooked and guessing till the end. I personally really enjoyed all the name dropping Asvatthama does.

Definitely, a read I’d recommend.

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Feyre survived Amarantha’s clutches to return to the Spring Court—but at a steep cost. Though she now has the powers of the High Fae, her heart remains human, and it can’t forget the terrible deeds she performed to save Tamlin’s people.

Nor has Feyre forgotten her bargain with Rhysand, High Lord of the feared Night Court. As Feyre navigates its dark web of politics, passion, and dazzling power, a greater evil looms—and she might be key to stopping it. But only if she can harness her harrowing gifts, heal her fractured soul, and decide how she wishes to shape her future—and the future of a world cleaved in two.

With more than a million copies sold of her beloved Throne of Glass series, Sarah J. Maas’s masterful storytelling brings this second book in her seductive and action-packed series to new heights.

A Court of Mist and Fury is the second book in the series A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. The first book in the series, A Court of Thorns and Roses, had a touch of inspiration from Beauty and the Beast, a fairy tale many of us are familiar with – at least the Disney version. It rises and builds up like a crescendo. Alluring, beautiful, intricate, stunning and filled with the shadows that have no place in Disney. At the end of it, Feyre saved her Prince Charming (or Beast if you want to stick with Beauty and the Beast reference) and was changed irrevocably in doing so. She is now a mortal soul in an immortal body. Her lover is an immortal High Lord of Faerie and she has saved him, and all of Faerie, from the clutches of evil. 

But now the first book is done and Feyre technically has achieved her Happily-Ever-After. Yet, everything is wrong. Because she is not who she was. She no longer needs someone to save her, instead she has already done the saving. She needs a partner, not a protector. Tamlin is wrong for her, and it is so so hard for her to see that, admit that, after going through so much due to her love for him. And Tamlin, he seems to love her, yet he cannot see he’s suffocating her, drowning her in his ‘protection’. Consumed by his own demons, he is letting what he needs take precedence over what can help her.

And then there is Rhysand: the High Lord of the Court of Night. He should be evil. He should be hated. He should be wrong. But he is the only one who seems to understand Feyre. Who is trying to help her be herself, to help her get out of the trauma of Under The Mountain. Who is saving her from herself and from Tamiln.

This book starts on a low note – building from where the first book left – but then it does start building and it is so much more complex, so much more layered than the the first one. Maybe because we know more about the world now and maybe because that is the difference between Rhysand and Tamlin. Where Tamlin is cagey, secretive and treats Feyre as less; Rhysand treats her as an equal, is honest and believes in her being her own person.

It is the difference between an abusive relationship and a real one. The other characters all have depth, have real pain, sorrow and the strength to rise beyond that. They do not overshadow each other but rather exist in a harmony.

Yes, the book is a fairytale. Because after Tamlin, there is a Rhysand. It gives hope that after an abusive relationship which you gave everything, which nearly killed you, there is a chance that you might find the person who is actually the other half of your soul. A person who makes you see not just the good in the world, but in yourself.

And maybe this is what all fairy tales should be: real, bitter, cruel but always with an edge of hope.

I recently read a book. The Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas. The book is stunning, amazing and absolutely brilliant. I will post a review soon.

But.

But that book made me think. It made me low, it made me dissatisfied. It made me realize that to settle is not fair to me, nor is it fair to whoever I am settling with.

After all, I deserve better. I deserve to not settle. I deserve to be loved the way I love. I deserve honesty, compassion and above all, I deserve acceptance for who I am.

I deserve to find my Rhysand and to not try to adjust with a Tamlin for the rest of my life.

I deserve to know that just because it felt right at some point of time, but now, when I have changed, and it does not feel right, that does not make me a terrible person. It makes me human.

That it might work, but if it does not, that does not mean I am a traitor. That does not mean I am evil. It only means I am human. That I loved, and that love was not right, it was not enough, it was not..not..not.. just not for me.

And that even if I stay, even if I go nowhere, even if I try to be happy where I am, it is okay if in some honest corner of my heart I know it could be better. I am allowed my dreams. They are not a betrayal.

That does not mean I am not working on what I have. That does not mean that I am not trying to make it work. That just means that it is not a perfect fit. Maybe nothing is. Maybe this is the best I will ever find. But if someday the chafing gets to be too much, and I leave, then I do not have to hate myself. I can breathe knowing that it is okay to love yourself – to do something that is good for you – that lets you live – instead of drown.

And maybe this is something all of us should know. That it is okay to want, to dream and sometimes it is definitely okay to put yourself first.