Breathe. Live. It’s Okay.

Posted: May 19, 2016 by Arushi in Thoughts
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

I recently read a book. The Court of Mist and Fury by Sarah J. Maas. The book is stunning, amazing and absolutely brilliant. I will post a review soon.

But.

But that book made me think. It made me low, it made me dissatisfied. It made me realize that to settle is not fair to me, nor is it fair to whoever I am settling with.

After all, I deserve better. I deserve to not settle. I deserve to be loved the way I love. I deserve honesty, compassion and above all, I deserve acceptance for who I am.

I deserve to find my Rhysand and to not try to adjust with a Tamlin for the rest of my life.

I deserve to know that just because it felt right at some point of time, but now, when I have changed, and it does not feel right, that does not make me a terrible person. It makes me human.

That it might work, but if it does not, that does not mean I am a traitor. That does not mean I am evil. It only means I am human. That I loved, and that love was not right, it was not enough, it was not..not..not.. just not for me.

And that even if I stay, even if I go nowhere, even if I try to be happy where I am, it is okay if in some honest corner of my heart I know it could be better. I am allowed my dreams. They are not a betrayal.

That does not mean I am not working on what I have. That does not mean that I am not trying to make it work. That just means that it is not a perfect fit. Maybe nothing is. Maybe this is the best I will ever find. But if someday the chafing gets to be too much, and I leave, then I do not have to hate myself. I can breathe knowing that it is okay to love yourself – to do something that is good for you – that lets you live – instead of drown.

And maybe this is something all of us should know. That it is okay to want, to dream and sometimes it is definitely okay to put yourself first.

 

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