Gripping the Sand Tightly

Posted: March 15, 2013 by Arushi in Thoughts
Tags: , ,

There is something to be said for nostalgia. It makes interesting creatures out of all of us. Or at least it does that to me.

There are so many small things that hold so much importance to us. These are not possessions that we can keep safe, hidden in some corner of our rooms, only to be looked at when desired. These are memories and there is no escape from them. A poster in a restaurant is the same on you gifted to your friends a few years ago. You still find it funny, but you cannot call them to let them know that you saw it because you are halfway across the world and it has been years since you saw each other.

It’s not really about anyone else. Its about me. Which is what this blog was always supposed to be. Somewhere along the lines I started talking more about the things I do, than about who I am.

I miss people even if I have not spoken to them for months. Its not that I want them to call first. I do not suffer from that silly notion – the moment I have the time, I would call. But so many times it has gone to voicemail. What if they do not pick up again this time? I am not sure I would have the courage to call for another really long while.

Friends are the circle of people you draw around yourself. They are the ones who were there when you missed home, when you made a disaster of a brunch, when you nursed migraines and insomnia, when you crammed for finals, when you freaked out over someone getting married or someone else having a baby. They stood by you when you yourself would not have wanted to. They are the ones whose voice can make you smile, even if its only abuse thrown at you, because you know that they are trying to not laugh while they go at it. Because you are matching them swear for swear.

They are the comfort blanket, the therapist and the no-nonsense straight talker all rolled into one – or well several people. But together they are everything.

They are the people you never want to leave behind. They are the ones you lose the most often.

You change your city, your country, your school and suddenly you are bereft. I love social media because it gives me a chance. It lets me shout out knowing that someone is listening. I lets me know what is going on with them and they know what I am up to. So then when I do speak to them in months, we’re not completely clueless.

And then there are those that you lose with distance. You were the best of friends while you were together but now things simply cannot be. Maybe because of things out of control for both of you, or maybe because there is simply no time.

I think the core of it is, there are people that I have left behind or who have done the same to me. Sometimes because we grew up. Sometimes because of changing locations. Sometimes because of different time zones. Sometimes simply because we could not make time. Sometimes because we just drifted in different directions and didn’t care enough to make a bridge and now it seems like it’s too late. In some cases it really is too late – we will always be acquaintances – but that spark of friendship is lost.

And right this moment, I miss every single one of them.

Nostalgia truly is not easy. One poster, one song, one phrase, one word, anything and everything can transport you to another time. Sometimes you laugh out loud at the memory. Sometimes you have tears in your eyes as you smile.

But for a while you cannot do anything but wish you were in another time. Or that you could still call and talk about old times.

Then you smile again, because you still do have people you can all. Other people, but friends are friends and these ones stuck around. They know you are a little cracked, but they know you are a good egg. They will listen to you in all your nostalgic glory. Then they will smack you on the head and tell you to move on, already!

Then you smile again. Because as pretty as the past seems, the present is also pretty awesome 🙂

  1. Otrazhenie says:

    Loved your post and wish you many more smiles in your life: past, present and future 🙂

  2. varuna says:

    seemed like you spoke from my heart, feel exactly the same.. if its possible

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