Just Another Day

Posted: October 29, 2012 by Arushi in Thoughts
Tags: , ,

Art by Yuumei – yuumei.deviantart.com

Today is an absolutely awful day.

There is no reason to it, no rhyme, it’s just one of those days when I wanna curl up in bed and sleep.

I have no reason to be acting like this. Today is not special. Not remarkable in any way. Yet, at the same time, it is simply awful.

Why you ask?

Well, for one, it is too hot or too cold, but never just right. There is no comfort in the weather, in the temperature, in the day, in anything.

There is no work that is truly hateful, yet all of it feels depressing. It does not have anything positive. It is not negative, but the absence of negative does not mean positive.

Nothing ill has befallen me. It was yesterday that I was in an accident, not today. Yet it is today that I do not want to drive my car back home. It was yesterday that I had a fight and then made things right, yet it is today that I do not want to face anyone.

How strange is it that everything is normal, yet I feel trepidation inside? I can see my car crashing in front of my eyes. I can see a huge fight brimming under the surface. I can see myself being unhappy with a job I love. Today, everything is terrible and nothing is free from the gloom and doom.

Today, is one of those days.

We all have them. At least I think we do.

Today is the day that makes me think I need to move. I cannot be in this city much longer. It is hard to grow in one’s hometown, no matter how large a city it may be. But I cannot leave. I have a job. A job that I love though it is hard to remember that today, and one that is my doorway into an industry that is not always kind to freshers.

I need a vacation, yet I cannot pay for one and I refuse to ask for help. I work now, so I have trapped myself. For the last two years, ever since I moved back, this is the month in which I have left the country, and yet this year, when technically I have my own money, I am not going anywhere.

Such a simple thing, a vacation, but in reality it is a way to reconnect with one’ soul. For me, it would also be reconnecting with my friends who are halfway across the world. But I am learning that working means growing up and growing up means that you cannot have what you want.

The problem with today is that nothing is exciting. Nothing feels alive, not even my mind. There is no pleasure, no joy in the simple things. No real concern over the relatives in New York, no real worry over anything, and yet there is that feeling of impending doom. That is taking self obsessed and selfish to a new degree, even for me, yet nothing I can do about it, except lie to myself and that I refuse to do. Plus I am in no mood to put in any emotional effort into anything.

Yep, it is one of those days.

The day that feels like it would never end, and is utter pain to live through, yet when we look back on it, nothing really happened.

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